Photo tribute to Bo Gordy-Stith

It is hot outside! This is not just meant actually, but figuratively as well.  Summer is a time when tempers tend to flare resulting in physical, emotional, and mental stress. This stress can end or damage long term relationships and sabotage others before two persons can become acquainted.  

When conversations and other interactions between two people become heated, we have to find a way of cooling off.; just like we cool off at the pool in the summer heat. The idea is to stay as cool as possible in both situations.

A great way to cool off is stay hydrated in the first place. The essence of hydration in relationships is to make sure communication is often and positive. When you find yourself getting irritated began to make sure you are seeking to understand the other person before you seek to be understood.

Another way to cool off is by controlling your surroundings. Many times changing the location where your interaction takes place can keep things in a cooled down atmosphere. Try to interact at a location where no one has an advantage over the other.

Cooling down involves becoming quiet to extinguish the flames of anger. A variation of being quiet that cools things down is by lowering your voice so that it is not intimidating, menacing, or negative. Keeping your the voice light, cheery and positive goes a long way to keeping the heat from being damaging to your relationship.

So the question becomes what do you do when the anger has erupted and you are in midst of a conflagration?  It is at this time that you must recognize you are in an emergency. This will call for a great level of understanding emotions.  At this state of high agitation the flames are fueled by emotions. The communication may be causing each person to feel they are personally being attacked. 

The greatest person you can control in an emergency is only yourself. Do not try to control the other person.

Emotional energy is like not like a light switch. Once ignited, you cannot just “turn it off”. 

As you calm down you must allow the other party to burn out.  As you show regret, understanding of what the other person is feeling, and that you are willing to let them vent, you began to remove the fuel you were providing to the heat.

Keep your cool and strengthen your relationships.

Now it is your turn. Share with me ways you keep your relationships peaceful?

Photo tribute to Anita Ritenour

A life line is needed to hold onto when life feels like it is slowly slipping away. Moments when losing your mind is surreal. No one seems to have an answer. Those who were close are now far away.

This is a time when many check out and allow life to just sway them in whatever direction it takes. These do not set plans, cease pursuing goals, and just opt out of making decisions about life because the pain is intense and brings torment and suffering. This brings about fear.

Fear becomes paralyzing by hindering clear and coherent thinking. Even fear though, will shrink when facing a person of determination.

Some gain favor and attention by attractiveness of their physical looks. Others use their intellect to prove how much they know and are celebrated because of it. Money is another leverage of choice to impress others and buy credibility. Talent places people in a status to be admired by others leading to a level of success. While all four of these things can be powerful in their own right they each have a weakness. Physical looks and strength can diminish. Intellect can ring empty when devoid of common sense. Money’s influence continues as long it does not run out. It can be stolen, lost, or devalued. Talent can take you many places that only good character can keep you.

Nothing is as timeless, effective, gutsy, and pure genius as having a tenacious consistency of never giving up. The determination to not give up can be the joker card in the deck. No one can stop the momentum that is built by never giving up once a commitment is made.

When there is nothing else, never giving up speaks of faith. Faith is the belief to continue forward when the odds are against success. The bull dog attitude of not giving up becomes the equalizer when nothing else seems to go right. Faith will allow you to see things that others cannot, becoming the process of transformation by which new heroes arise.

Success is what you become through the process of not giving up that solidifies you mentally and emotionally. Variables in life bend to one who does not give up because that person is leading as opposed to going along with the crowd. Never giving up causes a person to learn who they are, accept it, and focus continuing with what they do have versus what is missing.

This message is for those who have a dream that will not let you rest, to those who find themselves daydreaming of a specific desire, or those who will not be satisfied with less than what is known can be. These are the heroes of tomorrow to which I herald, never, never, never, give up!

Share your thoughts in a comment and don’t forget to subscribe!

photo tributed to Arturo de Albornoz

Perception Power
Perception is amazing; it is an internal conviction of an external happening. Perception is shaped by what senses perceive and imagination based on what can emotionally be accepted. Perception is a two-edged sword that carries the potential to magnify confidence or make fears overwhelming.

Self Inflicted Hurts
When perception is not managed it tends to be like a weed. It grows without any effort or work. When perception portrays life as hopeless there is a tendency to create self-inflicted wounds.

Combinations of the following are happening during this time:

Frustration due to not knowing whom to blame
Finding fault with those who have been loyal
Treating friends as enemies
Acting the role of a victim
Unwillingness to seek guidance
Tendency to run away or avoid problems
Looking for sympathy at expense of others
Selfishness is the mantra of the day
Belief that everything has been tried
Anger at no one in particular

These are indications that immediate help is needed to be on solid ground again.

Break the bonds
Others are needed to help support a recovery during this time. Until then there are immediate things that can be done to initiate recovery.

The first modification has to come in changing the thought process. Refusing to accept perception as fact empowers one to begin to reshape the future.

In other words if perception is reality, then reality can be changed by adjusting perception.

A role is played out when your perception is guided by fear and anger. Realize the power to change perception creates a new role to play. The role of action begins as opposed to reaction. This places the backward slide in check and reverses the direction. Let’s be clear, the only thing that has changed is the thought process. Not finances, job, medical conditions, or relationships. Yet this change is the most important one. This is what sets up a comeback “just around the corner”. Where there was lack of vision previously and the “corner” was not even in view. Now there is a new awareness of not only the “corner” but a perception it can be turned.

Take the Corner
Though more work will be needed it is the breakthrough that starts the rally.
Begin to look through new eyes at those who have been loyal to you and communicate appreciation to them.

Do not focus on what is out of control. Start to control the greatest asset, you.
Get busy on changing daily activities lead to the goal. If one does not know, ask, until the person is found who is where the desire is to be. Then do what it takes to learn from them.

In closing remember perception maybe reality, but it is not fact. Knowing this is the beginning to a new future that is “just around the corner”.

Share your comeback stories. Celebrate your comeback!

Credit to National Guard at Flickr

Starting Out
Passion is an amazing feeling when an emotional decision is made. It is the commitment that comes with initial excitement that must be maintained. Time will bring fluctuations that feel like an emotional roller coaster. How we deal with these ups and downs will determine if we ever get to the finish line. Internal and external variables such as relationships, finances, social standing, and health will have a great impact on meeting the goal because of the affect on one’s emotions.

It is important your source of the strength is not based on emotion, passion, or excitement. The end result and how one imagines’ the moment of satisfaction must be the strength behind continuing, in spite of the changes in emotional state.

Strength in Repetition
Learn practical ways of creating emotional stability in line with accomplishing goals within a desired timetable. It is important that you become committed to repeating the steps needed to fulfill the process until your goal is reached. In fact it is the tenacious commitment to the routine steps that over time develops emotional stability.

Talent is not the differentiator among the talented. Intellect is not what sets one apart when compared with smart persons. It is those whose character has been forged by consistency in spite of strained relationships, financial hardships, and disappointments. This is the true success that will keep a person on top.

Reflection
Let me end with a story. There was a man, named Nate, who God spoke to. God told Nate to go into a valley in the mountains to carry out a mission. Nate desired to complete a mission for God. It was his goal to say he obeyed God. Once Nate reached the valley he found a cabin to dwell. Nate also found food and tools. God told Nate to go to a place in valley where a stream was blocked by a small boulder. God told Nate to look for a sledge hammer and begin to hit the boulder. Nate enthusiastically set about hitting the boulder. Many days went by and each one found Nate striking the boulder. After 30 days Nate became despondent and asked God when the boulder was going to break. God told Nate to continue hitting the boulder. Thereafter Nate stopped asking and committed himself to the routine. After many more days God asked Nate why he wanted the boulder to break. Nate answered so that the stream could flow. God said look at your reflection in the water. Nate did so and noticed the change in his physique. Through the daily task Nate had become a powerfully muscled man. God said that is what I wanted for you, to be strong. Now hit the boulder again. Nate did and the boulder split in two and the stream flowed.

When emotional stability is reached it changes you and only then do circumstances change around you.

Consistency molds that which is inconsistent to walk a line of stability

If you agree or disagree let me know by commenting and subscribe to get timely updates.

credit for photo to h.koppdelaney at Flckr

I have been often asked 3 questions about the sayings:

1. Are the sayings original? Yes, the sayings are original. I am committed to giving credit if I use someone else’s quotes.

2. How did you come up with the sayings? I just think about events, people, places and thoughts come to me.

3. I don’t understand where you are coming from. Can you break down a practical application of the sayings? Yes. I will be writing an intermittent series, among other postings, to give an understanding on interpreting these wise sayings.

Note: There are exceptions to all wise sayings. I try to deal in what is the case 95% of the time.

Why “Keys”? It is because keys unlock doors. Let’s get started!

“Complaining about others places blame outside of you instead of focusing on your responsibility and power”

This is a simple saying. When you find yourself finding fault with others check to make sure that by complaining you have not actually given them the power to decide your outcome in achieving a goal. While ascribing blame to others correctly, always bring your focus to what you can do to direct, change, or control your success. You then have the burden of responsibility and gain the inner power to continue.

“Distractions are the enemy of progression in reaching your goals”

Always ask yourself when moving toward your objectives, “Is there something that I am spending time on that does not directly or indirectly relate to moving forward toward my goal?” This activity however pleasurable may qualify as a distraction. If this is so you must consider dismissing yourself from the unproductive and place your time on forward movement activity.

“Sleep is a weapon against decisions made in haste”

Did you know that when you are tired that is the worst time to make a decision? A clouded mind does not think in reality.
I have heard some say when you are tired and can’t get more than 2 hours sleep before being at an appointment or work, just stay up. Not so, even 30 minutes of rest can bring about an alertness and coherence.
If you can’t get sleep do not make any important decisions. So take a hint from another famous saying and just “sleep on it”!

I would love to get some feedback if you are enjoying this type of post!

Crying Soldier credit to Brandon Glass and Unkown Artist

We have heard the phrase, “Stop being so emotional”. This could mean you are overboard in your reaction or in most cases it means your expression of emotion makes me or someone else uncomfortable. Attempting to cut off emotions causes a person to be wound to tight.

Remember the 1850’s up to 1960’s where women wore layers upon layers of under garments? There was a piece of clothing called a corset (men had their version as well). It was used to contract the stomach up to chest area. By use of a piece of cloth with strings attached. The cloth was placed in the front and strings tied in the back. The draw strings were pulled tightly as possible. It was made to control and constrict the shape of the person. The corset was responsible for many a “fainting spell” because it squeezed the life out of you. Without expression of emotion the same thing happens to a person.

While I do appreciate calmness when it best serves the situation, it is emotions that give the expression that allows emphasis on events, people, and places. Emotions we express are a part of the communication to gauge the level of importance of a matter. An example of this is a cry for help that one is in danger. Another communication is the tone that equates to a purr of pleasure between two people.

Emotions help to maintain health during stressful times. Crying is an example where emotions allow a release of tension. Emotions allow us to lift another person or keep their feet on the ground. Emotions expressed are the spice that accents our communicative personality.

Emotions are responsible for the passion in the arts. Emotions fired the flame of civil rights marches of the 50’s and 60’s. Games are won and loss based on emotions because they are transferable when expressed to other teammates. Without emotions how do I express danger, happiness, anger, or even affection? Being “caught up” in emotion has had its downsides as well. Yet emotions are responsible for a POW being able to make it through a torturous time because of love for family and country.

It is when your emotions and expressions of thoughts, internal feelings, and convictions are unified that we see miracles take place. Faith takes place at this point and something comes alive in us. Emotions are many times the bridge linking together logic when the impossible needs to be crossed.

Let me know if this posting was helpful by sharing your comments.

We would like to learn lessons, without the damage that the experience leaves behind.

The contribution of experience I am talking about is from those who lived before our time and left a legacy of treasure from the life they lived. Below are 4 ways we can access those experiences.

Storytellers
These are persons who have the gift of memorization and use it to take in and give out information passed down through generations. Both my grandmothers were these type of people. They listened intently as children into adulthood and became sponges of information. They knew history of places, people, events, and family among other items. Sometimes they wrote down the information or kept press clippings, weddings and funeral documents.

What qualified them as a storyteller was the ability to not only remember detail, but when you hear them speak you were drawn into that time and place they spoke about.

You began to imagine the stories because of their expressive recollection.

The final item was they always ended the story with a lesson to be learned as a result of telling the story.

Writings
These are authors of books, magazine articles, newspapers and any written experience of a time past. Often they are no longer living but the life they have breathed into the written word gives us experiences to learn from. The authors are as varied as the people they appeal to in reciting their knowledge.

The appeal of a book is that it can be passed down from one generation to the next and yet we discern the lessons of the writings on different levels.

Certainly we learn more according to our own age, background, experiences, and the ability to relate to the author. Another plus of writings is you can study in the privacy of your own home or a library if you choose.

As well the written experience is powerful in that whether we agree or disagree with the author the experience they share with us is an anchor of thought, in that the words do not change so the message stays pure. It is the “glasses” used to read them that mature over time. This way lessons from their experiences can have an effect throughout life.

Biographical Experts
Have you ever listened to someone that seemed to be an expert on a particular person of history? Persons like Abraham Lincoln, Elvis Presley, Benjamin Franklin, and Mother Teresa all have admirers who felt particularly passionate about finding out the essence of these historical icons.
From their speeches, to quotes, behaviors, and other actions we hear the living bringing back the experiences of these persons.

One of the added pluses is biographical experts tend to give a more accurate interpretation of who their subject is and what we can learn from them.

Museums
For those who have a short attention span, don’t mind reading a little at a time, and want to learn a lot in one location, a museum might be the place for you.

Let’s look at some of the positives. Museums pride themselves on factual information. They often have guided tours by trained personnel. You can drop out the tour if you want to stay at a particular exhibit longer. Others around you tend to have general interest in the same things, so this promotes peer support. As for access you can come back again and again.

These are not the only ways to take advantage of past experiences but one way may appeal to you more than others. Either way, I hope you learn from the experiences of others who have gone on and one day have your experiences passed on as well. Have you made yourself Timeless?

Let me know if you enjoyed this post by sharing your thoughts in a comment.

Nothing illustrates this so strongly as our school system. We act as if the grade point average dictates one’s ability to achieve or be happy. It can actually hinder learning by placing a higher value on being perfect.

As with all things that are tied to expectations and achievements there is an emotional charge that is positive if the achievement is made and a negative one if failure is involved. The negative emotion is so strong that it will impact the response of those you thought you knew very well.

Let me give you an example that occurs in the workplace. When a layoff is announced word gets around that you have been laid off. It seems that those you were laughing with, eating lunch with, and exchanging news of family activities all of sudden do not seem to even acknowledge you. They may actually avoid eye contact. It is bad enough that somehow you can’t shake the feeling you must have done something wrong or not done something right. Now you have to deal with others treating you as if you are at your own funeral.

These same things play out in different ways. A child that did not make the football team, a couple who lost their home or the person who contracts a highly visible sickness; they are all examples of some unspoken feeling of failure.

I like how my sister-in-law put it,” I gave at my church to the sick and shut-in committee. Only to find out when I became the sick and shut-in not much was actually getting done”.

In other words we find ways to actually avoid dealing with someone when they are down.

After saying all of this I am not trying to make anyone feel guilty if you have been the person observing another one that seems to be in the midst of a failure. This message is to the person who is looking at their failure as something bad, wrong, or a final statement of who they are.

Please listen to me. Failure is not the same as giving up. In all actuality failure is the search for getting something accomplished. We so often seek the “oh so satisfying feeling” of being accepted, recognized, and praised that we treat the acknowledgement as if it were the goal.

I want to encourage you to see failure for what role it plays in our life. Failure helps us to practice so that our success is not built on fear but the solid recognition of knowing what does and does not work. Failure allows a place for faith to become strong. It becomes like the root of a tree that is blocked from growing one way but will then seek another way to attach itself and become stronger.

Failure works because it brings out what is actually in us. We are shaped to succeed by failures. Failure squeezes out excuses and confirms our strengths. Failure works to allow our achievements to be built on solid stacks of failure and not fluff. I kind of think of failure as getting as low as you can go; like filling a hole with dirt that is packed down solidly so that whatever is built on top is able to stand because all the shifting was done previously. Everything is now solid, strong, and assured.

When one builds on failure you become oblivious to those who feel embarrassed, ashamed, and uncomfortable with what they see as the end of story.

Failure is a place you may stand alone and yet you are not. You stand with giants. Abraham Lincoln, Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr., Helen Keller, Les Brown, Tyler Perry, Tina Turner, and many others who understand that failures are the measure of one’s heart
to take failure as an education to move forward on your journey.

The next time you feel that your failure is a negative, flip the script and know you are closer to success than ever before. The key is to make failure work by getting up and moving on!

I would love to hear your comments! Do you agree? If you do agree, why do you agree? If you do not agree, why?

Here is my main thought around this subject.

Do not fight your journey when life moves you on, if your heart is on a target, even the unfamiliar will lead you to your goal. Saying a Day Keeps the Blues Away

Be Patient or Move On?
This reminds me of a caterpillar that knows when it is time to spin a cocoon and transform as opposed to continue moving forward as a caterpillar. The journey takes faith, listening to yourself, and being aware of consistent confirmation that the time for change is present. Many times this confirmation speaks from different sources unrelated to one another. It may come from a book, a person, prayer, meditation, or just a slight, persistent off center feeling.

I can tell you this urge is not born out of laziness, excuses, or irresponsibility. It is like losing the taste for what you have been doing. Nothing else has changed. Realizing it is not a lack of appreciation, love, or passion for the essence of what you do and where you are going. It is the persistent nag of dissatisfaction you receive. It is really important during this time to not trust mood swings or make decisions out of an extreme emotion. You may even be wondering why you feel this way. Yet it comes with a peace.

This intuition, feeling, or hunch is not normally planned and not seem to be logical reasoning for a move at this time. This is why it is dangerous to move without taking time to test this feeling. Be sure to stay true to your hearts expression of your ultimate goal. This is where practicality and logic are often of no benefit. Sometimes you will fight the urge to move because you have nothing tangible to convince others or yourself that you are not losing a portion of your sanity.

I do believe this is God’s way of nudging you in a direction you would never have considered otherwise. Yet this change actually is the needed piece to get you to where you need to be next.

How Do I Test this Feeling?

Evaluate the variables that impact you

– Make sure you are not just depleted emotionally, physically, or mentally. When you are deficient in one of these your judgment can be impacted to make a wrong decision.
Are you bored – Repetition is one of the ways we mature in a discipline. Do not make a change just because you are not feeling entertained at the time.

Is this a succession of many changes

– Be careful that you are really attempting to seek some satisfaction. While this may play a part, the urge I speak of seems to be dissatisfaction while at the same time it seems you should be satisfied. It is not a search.
Is someone heavily influencing you – Are you attempting to please someone. While a person can be a confirmer of this urge you have to cease what you are doing and move on, they should not be the originators. This should come from within you.

Pride

– Am I changing because I want a different image to others? Again this is not an externally driven change. Others may actually feel you are just fine; especially if it benefits them for you to be so.

Finally don’t be rash

By this I mean begin to prepare for the change. At some point the pitch of the urge will be so loud that you cannot avoid the change. You have to be ready to take full advantage of the change. Remember Noah had never seen rain before he built the ark, yet he was ready when the floods came.
It takes faith.

In what ways do you know it is time to change or move on? Leave a comment of your opinion!

There is a lot of good material on the job boards, blogs, books, magazines, social networking sites and other mediums for obtaining information on how to make you more appealing to be taken on as an employee, partner, team mate, or supplier.

This is a “people based” area of competition. Persons should become strong in a few basic areas. Once these are in place you can adjust here and there to make yourself more valuable.

Image
Image is about how you cause others see you .

Visual – hygiene, clothing, grooming
Communication – What you say/write, how you say/write it, body language
Timeliness – Are you on time? Do you seem rushed? Are you prepared?

Experience
When you are able to connect your experience with experience someone is looking for, you have the basis for a match. This means it is good to research the company you are targeting. What do they do? What is being written about them in the media? Who is their executive leadership? What is the company culture? These are things that help you to target where you would like to work or with whom you want to do business. Experience also includes any education that enhances your experience.

People skills
This is more than just being polite (though being pleasant is a good thing). This is the ability read the person(s) you engage with and respond in a way that shows insight, maturity, and interest. First acknowledgement is that everyone is not the same. People or motivated by different things. See people through their eyes and perceptions. Be able to accept someone without agreeing or disagreeing with them. Sharpen your listening to find out what is important to those you meet. Introduce yourself and promote your ability to solve a problem or enhance a value by your connection with the person(s).

Now let’s talk about how you find the opportunity. Most people use the shotgun approach to obtaining an opportunity by sending/posting/emailing resumes to many companies. Some fill out applications from many different companies. Others just let everyone they know that they are looking for work. While you can obtain an opportunity in these ways I believe they lack purpose, focus, and ultimately have no connection with where you want to go in life.

Here are some tips I would offer:

Complete research on people, companies, and organizations who are engaged with doing what you would like to do. Find out as much as possible about where you want to be. Target the opportunity you are going after.

Find out how to prepare yourself to be valuable to your target. Ask someone who is already in the position with the opportunity you are targeting. Find out what they did to get in.

Prepare yourself by taking the advice you were given by the person you questioned.

Accept any open door that gets you near that opportunity and grow.

This approach makes sure you do not spread your efforts so wide that you lose the impact of being at your best, by being prepared.

I will post more tips on making the best of opportunities!

Do you believe these tips will work for you? What tips would you offer? Leave a comment!