Watch Out Pig

Hey! Who am I calling a pig? Okay so that seems a little out there. You may wonder to who I am talking to. I am not talking about anyone with expanded size challenge. Also I have the utmost respect for law enforcement. Take a last guess? No, I do not own a little porker. Believe it or not this message is about listening. The idea is to get the feel, intent, and understanding of what is being communicated to you by another person.

Here is how the story goes. I was riding in a car with my window down, minding my own business. Driving about 35 miles per hour I was almost at a curve to my right in the road. I knew this because of the yellow sign showing a right curve 1000 ft. ahead. All of a sudden an oncoming car from the opposite direction was going by me. The driver yelled something at me out of his window. At first I did not get everything that he was shouting about. The part I did hear him say was, “Watch out pig”. I immediately felt the heat rising on the back of my neck along with a tense feeling. With hands clenched on the steering wheel, I said out loud, “Man, that guy had some nerve calling me a pig”. About that time I was coming around the corner and I suddenly had to swerve, almost out of control. Just in time to miss… Yes, you guessed it, a large pig in the road.

So often we project our feelings, thoughts, and experiences onto what we are being told as opposed to truly listening, learning, seeking, and making sure we hear what really being expressed. Listening for understanding is an art that works best when we are truly interested in the person with an expectation of what they have to say.

We are given all types of advice to be better listeners. Tips like, state back to the person what they stated to you. The words we use to do this are, “I hear you saying…” Hmmm! Be careful with that one. It can make you look like you did not hear the person the first time. This can be embarrassing for you and it might be slightly irritating to them.

Listening is more about the desire to hear what the person is expressing. I notice that when I assume ignorance until the person educates me, I tend to truly pick up on what they are saying. Notice I said ignorance. Not stupid! Meaning I do not come void of intelligence. Even a question you may ask after they speak will convey you were trying to understand. As a result the respect of listening is highly likely to be appreciated by the person communicating with you.

Another myth is that nodding while the person is speaking indicates that you are actively listening. Again be careful. The person may think you are agreeing with them. More problems occur in what we thought we agreed to as opposed to making clear the differences. In the extreme some of these “so called” agreements end up taking you both before such “judges” by the names of Matthis, Alex, Judy, Hatchett, Lopez and Brown.

I find the need to fight the impulse to listen through the knowledge of what I believe I know about the person to whom I am talking. To consider that this may be another side of them I know nothing about. People are more complex than we know. Their communication can change depending on the state of their health, relationships, finances, and many other things you may hear that can change the meaning of the same sentence, in many ways. Conversely, I listen differently as I am impacted by those same areas in my life.

The essence of what I am saying is, we must be a little more patient with each other if we are to get the point of a conversation and truly appreciate our communication. Remember you can make the decision on how you will take what is being stated to you. I always find it best to assume most people are not trying to hurt you when speaking with you. Sometimes it is just what they or maybe you, okay me too, may be going through. If they are intentionally trying to hurt you, please read my article on Giving the Gift of Goodbye…

Share with me some of the communication myths, listening and communication tips you have heard?

 Hi! My name is Vonzel Sawyer. I am a husband, father, and grandfather. I started blogging to share from my experience, knowledge, wisdom, instruction, and understanding to help persons maxamize and magnify the positive in their life. That is why I used the terms "maximum" and "magnification" and combined them into a single word "maxafication". Just like something can be magnetized or winterized. I want to impact people to live largely and fully each day!