The next series of articles are very dear to me because of my own personal experience. This article is not about how to lose weight. It is to address what a man does when he is not sure or feels he is losing the battle in knowing how to support his wife when she has gained an uncomplimentary amount of weight. What to do when you don’t see any change and how to handle the emotions during the changes.
I have watched couples over time move into the routine of life. As we continue living sometimes we are not fulfilled in life. We look for something or someone to blame. Our spouse is the most available someone at this point. Sometimes there is a tendency to forget what it was that delighted us, that special thing, we first saw in our partner. We start to wonder is this the life we expected. When this introspection sets in we may often blame our spouse for some of the dissatisfaction we feel. Questions begin to come to mind. Are we truly well matched with our partner? Irritation sets in. We may start to become more active in visual observation of others. This seems to be a downward spiral. Don’t give up. We still have a real chance of success, but delude ourselves into thinking that the love has gone.
Let’s look back. We worked hard to get to a level of initial acceptance with each other; it is amazing how we break the rules meant to sustain excitement and optimism by saying the zest is gone because of our partner. It is a trap that many fall into because we somehow forget all the work we did while in a state of being enamored with our special person. We don’t seem to understand that the original feelings came out of a choice we made, the effort we put into feelings, and thoughts of love about that person.
We don’t stand still and freeze in time. We change. It is sad to think that we did not expect things to change, including our partner. You can’t sustain a successful relationship based on a past snapshot in time. We may have great memories, but we have to choose to be in love right here, in the now. The relationship must grow even as a person changes. It is worth repeating, we all change. One of the changes that have a great impact later or even initially in any relationship is an alteration of physical appearance. One of the changes that happen to a lot of women is a change in weight. The change is normally an increase.
How would I know? I have been there. Now I want to give it to you straight because I really believe men are not taught how to handle changes in their wife when this happens. We are not taught what to think. What to say. Most of all we are not taught how to respond.
We may begin to think, “She let herself go. Man, she talks about losing weight, but she still loads her plate up. If she really wants to lose weight she would exercise. She does not look the way she did before. I am not turned on by her any more. I am trying to be supportive. Why is she hiding food? If she does not lose weight I am leaving her. It goes on and on. I heard and said some of these things to myself. If you have not thought this way then God has blessed you. You are indeed fortunate. Yet if you have said these things to yourself or out loud it is time to figure some things out about yourself. Then figure some things out about your wife.
First, most women do not desire to be overweight. There is physical pain, emotional pain, mental anguish, guilt, fear and anger. There are so many reasons for being overweight. Everything from upbringing, genetics, emotional needs, child birth, age, and other things. Don’t even bring up the many diets, media, fasting, medicines, supplements, programs, and other things pushed to lose weight that often end in disappointment. There is also the issue of clothes not fitting, strained physical activities, uncomfortable flights on planes, being stared at while eating at restaurants. All things related to people and weight. Finally, still wanting to be loved, appreciated, adored and the object of attention from a loved one.
I am not promising anything but this. If you loved your wife and felt special about her before she gained weight and still want to be true to her and yourself, you must began to teach yourself how to support your wife through weight gain, weight loss, and all the associated changes. To be a success you must start by being very honest with yourself. You are not alone. I will share what I have learned.
I will be writing the next post dealing with how I had to change as she changed. Stay tuned and be blessed.
Share this posting with someone who may be experiencing this now!
I want your comments, feedback, and real response. C’mon give it to me straight!
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Hi! My name is Vonzel Sawyer. I am a husband, father, and grandfather. I started blogging to share from my experience, knowledge, wisdom, instruction, and understanding to help persons maxamize and magnify the positive in their life. That is why I used the terms "maximum" and "magnification" and combined them into a single word "maxafication". Just like something can be magnetized or winterized. I want to impact people to live largely and fully each day! 
Wisdom for the Ages
I was scanning something else about this on another blog. Interesting. Your linear perspective on it is diametrically contradicted to what I read originally. I am still reflecting over the different points of view, but I’m leaning heavily toward yours. And regardless, that’s what is so super about modernized democracy and the marketplace of ideas on-line.
Tomas,
I am glad you stumbled on the post. I can understand that there are other views. No one size fts all. The experience I have shapes my opinion especially because my wife and I were extremely successful in watching a positive change in her life. She attributes some of this success to my responses and actions.
Thank you for coming by and please subscribe! We will see you again soon!
Vonzel “Maxafier”
I like the layout of your blog. It is really awesome and I’m thinking about a similiar design for my site!
Hello,
Thanks for the compliment on my blog layout. WordPress.org has some awesome themes you can customize. Thanks for stopping by and I wish you much success with your site.
Vonzel “Maxafier”
I liked this blog, I’m thinkin my viewers would like this as well, I’ll be sure to link to this and bookmark it, thank you
Shu,
You pay me a high complement in your willingness to share this blog with your readers.
I hope they find wisdom, inspiration and the fuel to encourage their wholistic growth in life fulfilling their purpose.
Thank you for your time. Come back often. You are welcome here!
Vonzel “Maxafier”
I had a treadmill before and it stopped working in only a couple of weeks.My better half and I are considering buying an elliptical exercise machine for use in our home. There are so numerous brands and models out there it’s difficult to know what’s greatest for us.
Treadmill,
I am not an expert at treadmill’s or elliptical exercise machines. I have used them before and find them good for areobic training. After speaking with my wife she suggested using ways of getting healthy that benefit your body and your relationship.
Walking is so beneficial, especially if you have trails you can walk. The walk becomes an adventure. You challenge yourself by increasing the distance you walk as time goes on. Walk where you have varied scenery. This will keep up your interest and you from getting bored.
When walking with your better half you have companionship, encouragement, and you are becoming healthy together in more than one way! Consider biking on the same routes you walk. It will be a different experience altogether. It certainly has ehanced my gem (wife) and I so much!
I trust all works out. Let me know the outcome!
I hope you also enjoyed the post. If so, why not subscribe to recieve updates!
Vonzel “Maxafier”
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Hi,
This particular post is very dear to me, so thank you. It is great to hear you are getting value from the postings. Your compliments are appreciated.
If you have any suggestions of what you would like to explore, I am open.
I agree with you on being all things to all people. It can be down right tiring. Follow your interest and you will find directly or indirectly what you have to contribute to others. This will will lead to adventure and satisfaction.
Come back again, read, subscribe, and share your thoughts!
Vonzel “Maxafier”
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Ambrose,
Your feedback to the post is very much appreciated. What other things would you like to see? Anything you share will be taken seriously. Please accept my invitation to subscribe and know you are welcome always.
Vonzel “Maxafier”
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Hobert,
Your compliments are encouraging to me. Please check back often for fresh encouragement and tips. Cetainly feel free to give me any feedback. Again thank you for the compliments!
Vonzel “Maxafier”
Hi, thanks so much for these tips! My blogs usually do bring readers and responses. One thing I do is engage with the readers. Answer questions in responses and make clarifications where needed. I think they appreciate that I take the time to talk to them.
Inad,
I am glad you enjoyed the post. We are in agreement. Those who take the time to read our post embark on a journey of thought with us. Whether in agreement or disagreement there interactio is valued. Please send me your blog. I would like to check it out. Until then be blessed!
Vonzel “Maxafier”
Date Hello, I have browsed most of your posts. This post is probably where I got the most useful information for my research. Thanks for posting, maybe we can see more on this. Are you aware of any other websites on this subject
Hi,
I am glad you found something useful as you browsed my blog! Your attention is appreciated! I certainly will write more on this subject in the future.
Some of the early postings of Leo Baubata at are useful .
Also I have visited Lauren’s site at and she writes a good deal about appreciation for you body.
Many blessings to you!
Vonzel “Maxafier”
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Vonzel Sawyer. Vonzel Sawyer said: Blog Post: When Your Wife Becomes Over Weight part 1 http://bit.ly/cRsSTS Bless you [...]
I LOVE that you as a man would write this article! I had an experience where the man I loved told me he was no longer attracted to me because of my weight gain. Something in me resisted getting on the treadmill (literally and figuratively). I instinctively knew I wanted to find another way – I decided to fall in love with my body!
I am not in the habit of going to other blogs and promoting myself, but as a result of that moment and my decision I did fall in love with my body and consequently my body changed. I did it by beginning to realize and appreciate all my body does for me daily. Simply, that I would not even exist if not for this magnificent body!
I am bringing out an e-book this month called Fall In Love With Your Body Now. It is a culmination of my own experience. I feel for women who suffer over their bodies and I hope for them that they can embrace loving their bodies more.
I salute you for being the man you are. For probing and questioning and searching for a way to rekindle desire, passion, and love. Good for you!
Thank you!
Lauren,
Your comment was insightful and encouraging. It is great that you are writing about how to love and appreciate your body. Many will be encouraged your journey. It is a great value to have the courage to face change and embrace it. Thank you for being another example of way to approach health. I will follow your blog and would love to be a guest blogger if you allow and believe it would be encouraging to your readers. Also feel free to reblog if you believe it would help. Let me know when your ebook is published!
Thanks again for stopping by and visiting. Be Happy!
Vonzel “Maxafier”