When Your Wife Becomes Overweight part 2

Men let’s face it, physical attraction is high on our list and we have to know how to respond to changes. Here is a baseline thought that helped me right away. You can’t help her become what she wants until you can believe for her, about what she wants, when she can’t believe for herself. This is where being a man, a warrior, a conqueror comes in. I had to be competitive and win the contest with myself. I begin to use my power of concentration. I remembered why I love her. Started to ask myself, “What does she really need?” I am not saying that this is an easy thing. It is hard and sometimes you will not feel like being positive. You have to know this; what a wife can become when her husband believes in her is miraculous.

There is nothing to be gained by comparing her with anyone else. Don’t do it. That says to her, “you are not good enough”. A change must first occur on the inside before any change will occur on the outside. Become convinced of the vision she is to you, in your heart. Dwell upon it until this is how you see her in your imagination. Do this regardless of whether she is trying to lose weight or not. See, part of this is not about attempting to control who she is. It is about defining who you are, to yourself, and to her. It is about keeping your word and breathing life where there seems to be an absence of it. This is where you learn that a blade of grass can grow through concrete. As Malcolm said in Jurassic Park, “life finds a way”.

One of the things that helped me a lot was to read up on subjects like weight gain and obesity. That education alone helped me to appreciate all the causes of becoming overweight. The subject is definitely larger and more complex than, just quit eating. Something important I learned was that she had to lose weight for herself.

Another way to work with your wife during this time is take all the positive things you enjoy about her. Make a list of them. Meditate and think on them. Really become taken with the truth of what is on the list. This cannot be flattery. It must be based on what you really believe and feel. Begin to find ways to complement her in these areas. One thing to watch out for is that she may not be the greatest receiver of compliments right now. She may even respond with a derogatory remark about herself in reference to her weight. Don’t despair. Persist in speaking to her of the positives without accepting any argument. At some point the tenacity you are displaying will pay off. Remember the change starts on the inside first. Self-esteem is often a reflection of how you think someone feels about you. That is why you must replace what she is feeling with facts. I would tell my wife that she has my heart. I would take every opportunity (not flawlessly) to say I was proud of her.

These are the things I used to combat my own negativity. Yes, sometimes I wanted this to just be over. That is when I faced the fact I am still a work in progress. There was nothing to be gained by mocking, being derogatory, using cliché’s, or being critical. I realized if I was busy being positive it was hard to be negative. Another thing was when she made any effort towards weight control or weight loss I was her biggest fan from an objective standpoint. I did not act as if everything was based on a single program, diet, medical procedure, or event. I came to understand that the decision is one made over time and I looked for opportunities to let her know I agreed with her effort. A big way to do so was to learn about what she may try or she was considering as a step toward her goal. That way I could hold a conversation and she knew I had taken time to learn about what she was doing, because it was important to her.

I do want to let you know there is a time to be hard. That is when you see she is giving up on herself. This is when you show your refusal to accept her as being defeated. This is when you say you love her, you are behind her, and you will see this through to the end. This is where your leadership is most cherished and admired. Of course you must use this at the appropriate time with great sincerity.

Do you agree with me? If so, let me know! If not, let me know why! Comment on this blog and stay tuned for the final post in this series.

 Hi! My name is Vonzel Sawyer. I am a husband, father, and grandfather. I started blogging to share from my experience, knowledge, wisdom, instruction, and understanding to help persons maxamize and magnify the positive in their life. That is why I used the terms "maximum" and "magnification" and combined them into a single word "maxafication". Just like something can be magnetized or winterized. I want to impact people to live largely and fully each day!